Where are you hiding?

Some people hide in duty.

They are needed everywhere. They become indispensable, exhausted, and quietly furious. They never stop. They never ask for anything. They call it love because they are afraid to ask what they actually want.

Some people hide in purpose.

They serve the world and avoid going home. They are praised for this, which makes it harder to see. Workaholism often wears the costume of impact.

Some people hide in self.

They become fluent in the language of wellbeing while becoming less available to the people and purposes that would make their lives larger.

Each hiding place has a respectable vocabulary.

Duty says: I have no choice. Purpose says: the work matters too much. Self says: I am protecting my peace.

Sometimes those things are true. Sometimes they are hiding places.

I have hidden in all three. I have called exhaustion devotion. I have called overwork meaning. I have called withdrawal healing. Each time, I had a good story for why it was necessary. Each time, the story was partly true. That is what makes it hard to see.

Duty without self becomes martyrdom. Purpose without duty becomes ego. Self without duty or purpose becomes narcissism. The damage is not in any one of them. The damage is in the imbalance.

The work is not to get the balance right once and keep it forever. Nobody does. The work is to keep noticing where the imbalance is now.

Five questions I keep returning to:

What am I over-serving? What am I neglecting? What am I calling duty because I am afraid to want anything? What am I calling purpose because I am afraid to go home? What am I calling self-care because I am afraid to grow?

The honest answer is usually the uncomfortable one.

Emily Hunt-Adiletta OBE is a bestselling author and keynote speaker.

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