You Can't Wax a Gibbon Without Wax

My grandfather used to say, "Never complain about having to pay taxes, because it means you've been making money."

This is not a grand theory of political philosophy. But it is a pretty good theory of adulthood.

The thing we are tempted to resent may also be evidence that something is working. The tax bill means income. The dishes mean food. The school run means a child. The deadline means work. The hard conversation means a relationship that still has a chance.

He also used to say, "Never touch the gear shift unless the clutch is fully depressed." Which, depending on how generous you are feeling, is either driving advice or one of the great moral teachings of the twentieth century.

Some actions require preconditions. Some things cannot be forced without damage.

You cannot ask a burned-out team for trust without creating conditions for trust. You cannot be a good parent on resentment alone. You cannot do good work while pretending you have no body. You cannot fulfill your duties if you refuse to admit you have duties.

In my house, the wisdom is less elegant. My daughter and I have a saying: you can't wax a gibbon without wax.

Obviously, one should not wax a gibbon. I want to be very clear on that. It came from her mishearing a friend talking about the phases of the moon, and somehow it became family philosophy.

But it means something. You cannot do what needs to be done without the basic things that make it possible. You cannot be endlessly useful without sleep. You cannot serve without being fed. You cannot keep giving if nothing is restored.

We talk about resilience as though it is a character trait. Often it is a conditions problem.

What are you asking of yourself without giving yourself what you need to do it?

Emily Hunt-Adiletta OBE is a bestselling author and keynote speaker.

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